Category Archives: multi-generational living

We are a Family of Three Generations Living Under 1 Roof

Let me help you transform your home into a comfortable, safe, accessible and beautiful
space that you can call home for many years. Why not invest in your current residence
instead of paying for a retirement village or assisted living?
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As an expert in Universal Design and Living in Place design, I have the education and experience to help you achieve your goals. I am the only Interior Designer in the Wichita area who is a Certified Living Place Professional (CLIPP) and a practitioner of the American Society of Interior Designers (ASID). My specialties include multi-generational design, and I always anticipate the changes that life may bring to your family when working on your design plan. My ultimate goal is to create a space you and your family will love to call home today and tomorrow.

OUR STORY

After a 30-year career in a retail design company, I started my own design firm called “Designs for Life.” The tagline “Interiors Designed for the Way You Live … Today and Tomorrow” reflects that a well-designed home should be able to adapt to life’s changes.

My family should be the Poster Children for the Living in Place design movement. We are a family of three generations living under one roof. My late husband, Jim, and I were in our late 60s with a few health issues; we both enjoyed our work and had no plans to retire. Our son, Bryan, was diagnosed with ALS 20 years ago. He has increasing limitations with mobility and independence. My mother, Dot, who just celebrated her 97th birthday, remains active in helping us care for one another.

It became apparent that we would need to find a home to renovate to help us all live our best lives. Completing our new home was the most daunting and satisfying project of my career. I always prided myself on my ability to meet the needs of my clients. My personal experiences and newfound knowledge allow me to provide so much more.

We are replacing the outdated “Aging in Place” design with a proactive “Living in Place” approach. By discreetly incorporating long-term adaptive features into everyday decor, homes can be prepared for expected and unexpected life changes. The goal is to provide everyone with a comfortable, safe, and accessible home that can support them through any injury, illness, or age challenges. The Living in Place Institute helps eliminate the stigma of “Aging in Place” and allows people to embrace the inevitable life changes while still living independently in their own homes.

Vicki Flores, a Living In Place Pro, has mastered creating homes that exude beauty, safety, and comfort. With her exceptional skills and expertise, she transforms living spaces into havens that are not only aesthetically pleasing but also safe and practical. Give your home the touch of Vicki’s magic and experience the joy of living in a place that is both beautiful and function

Hospice and ALS

Most people actuate HOSPICE with end of life. In most cases hospice care givers come into a patient and their families lives when the diagnosis is terminal and the patient has around 6 months until end of life. The purpose of hospice is to make “end of life” more comfortable for the patient and their loved ones. Frankly, most families wait too long for this service because they don’t want their loved one to think they are giving up on them or admit that they are actually facing the end of their life.

We waited too long to call hospice when my dad had terminal cancer and chose not to have treatment because no medical person suggested it to us. I had gone pick up some meds for him and found myself facing a Hospice office. I went in not knowing what to expect and came out with an appointment to visit us the next day. They came with a hospital bed and all the essentials for his care and set up in the family room. Someone was with the family most of the time and were a phone call away. He died two weeks later. How I wish we had taken advantage of this months earlier.

HOSPICE and ALS

My experience with Hospice is much different today. My son has ALS. He as been living with it for nearly 20 years. He has been in hospice for 3 years and we both are so thankful that we made the call.

ALS is a fatal disease as you are all aware. There is no cure and there is no treatment. There is also no timetable for end of life. A PALS can go on hospice as soon as they are diagnosed. Our Phoenix Home Health and Hospice in Kansas provides all equipment delivered by Broadway Medical and set up in our home. A nurse visits us at least once a week and has a physician available for her to call and they provide all his ALS meds. (Much better than your Neurologist giving you a diagnosis and telling you to go get ready to die?) A bath aid comes twice a week. This compassionate group of people have an essential place in our daily lives.

You may have heard that to be on Hospice, the patient needs to sign a DNR. That can be revoked at any time by the patient or his legal medical representative. Bryan has gone to the hospital by ambulance twice since being on hospice Each time his hospice nurse came to sign a waiver that he was off hospice so he could be treated. When he was released he was signed back in. This is one of the few benefits we as PALS and CALS are offered at no charge. They work together with the ALS local chapter in my area.

As a mother and caregiver, I m asking you to use this valuable aid available to you without cost. Many still say “It’s not time yet or I don’t want my pal to think I’m giving up on them”. You are taking this advantage of a benefit to make all your lives easier for however many months, years, or decades, you fight this horrible disease.

If you have questions or concerns or just want to talk, leave me a message here and I will be happy to help in any way that I can.

Bryan’s Big 50…Something to Really Celebrate

Bryan was 33 years old when he was diagnosed with ALS. He had spent 5 years teaching in Prague and was beginning his career at Wichita State University. He had fallen a few times and noticed weakness in his hands when trying to button a shirt. The neurologist told him then what they are still telling the victims of ALS now. There is no cure and no treatment. In short go home and prepare to die within 3 years. At a follow-up clinic here in Wichita, the neurologist in charge told him to sign a DNR put in a feeding tube and get his affairs’ in order because he had about 18 months. Bryan told him “no thank you.”

Needless to say, we were devastated. There was nothing we could do! Eventually an nurse from the ALS Association visited us and gave Bryan a list of vitamins to take daily. She told him to eat as much as possible because at some point he might start loosing weight and she wanted him to have extra. She also warned him not to eat anything with MSG because his body could not process it.

She had given us HOPE in a very dark world. We banded together as a family and started to make the most of each day. No one knows how long they have and every moment is precious.

We had a large family gathering in Las Vegas with many of Bryans friends in attendance to celebrate his birthday that year. We didn’t know how many more we could celebrate with him. Our family and friends made 3 trips over the years, to an all inclusive resort near Cancun while he could still travel safely.

This was our first family trip to Mexico

As we celebrate the big 50, 17 years after his diagnosis, I am in awe of this man. He can still walk with the use of a walker. He still eats most everything he wants. (no feeding Tube). The use of his arms and hands is very limited so we are his hands and arms. He has learned ways to type and play games on his computer. He is as self reliant as possible. He chooses to be happy. Bry talks ( his speech is a little slurred when he is tired) and laughs with all the nurses and aides that visit ( that is a story for another post) .

I want to make a point that this is not the norm for most ALS victims and their families. Their lives are ripped apart and they are helpless as the disease takes more and more abilities away. We both realize that those same things are in store for us. His abilities are also slipping away, but thankfully more slowly.

He has been my rock since Jim passed in August. He helped me with all the legal and personal changes that have to be made when a spouse dies. Jim was our chef so Bryan and our wonderful family aide Franci have taken over meal planning, grocery shopping and cooking. I am spoiled.

Every Patient with ALS (PALS) is totally different. Bryan does have a very slow progressing type. (most other ALS patients, PALS are not as fortunate. His breathing capacity is not great and he has some very rough days with muscle spasms and cramping I know because he is very quiet on those days but he doesn’t complain. He works hard to keep from regressing.

This was a Big cerebration for all of us. Despite his early prognosis, Bryan Flores is still living with this monster disease, ALS.

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I would love to help you create a Forever Home! Click this link http://www.under1roof.live/living-in-your-place-let-us-help-2/

On August 31, 2021 Our World Changed Forever.

On August 31 2021 I became a widow. It is not like I didn’t know it was coming . My Jim had been ill for over 3 years this time. Any one who spent time with him spoke about what a positive man he was. Although he was on dialysis 3 days week and undergoing chemotherapy, he was certain he was going to pull through. Or at least he told us he was.

We were two months short of celebrating our 54th anniversary. Yes, we were babies when we married. We grew up together. He was my best friend and we talked about everything.Daily, I think of something that I need to ask him or something that I want to share with him.

Unfortunately, many of you know how empty your heart and life is when you loose a spouse. We used to be Vicki and Jim or Jim and Vicki. Now it’s just Vicki.

I don’t know how you would come home to any empty house. It would be devastating. My care giving responsibilities did not go away. Gratefully I was not alone. I still have two of the people that I care the most about to love me and be with me. Because we all shared this home Dot, Bryan and I could mourn together and support each other.

We along with Franci our home aid, were all be all able to be with Jim when he was not in treatment.. One of us was always with him. He dozed as he watched Soccer with Bryan. Most nights he would drop in on Dot to say goodnight as he went to bed. He and I had good talks during our nap times We had planned on this being our “Forever Home” and it was for Jim and will be for the rest of us.

The elevators in the house and garage allowed him to stay here when he was so weak that he couldn’t walk up steps. I was able to help him shower and he did need the lift chairs toward the end. He loved being on the upper deck and could easily use his walker to access his favorite spot.

I am so glad that he and I planned ahead and renovated this house. I really didn’t expect him to go first. I am so grateful that we “finished” our home and were able to enjoy it together.

I started writing this blog to share our experiences of 3 generations living together under 1 roof. I’ve been away for a while and I hope start working (interior deign) and writing more as the months go by. If you get anything positive from reading under1roof.live, please share this with a friend.

\ Vicki

A Bright Future for Alexis

You might remember our niece, Alexis Armstrong. She is an amazing 31 year old woman who does not her Cerebral Palsy define her.

Alexis Armstrong is one of the first three graduates from Friendship Fields at Friends University

She has just graduated from Friends University in the Friendship Fields Program while working part time at Families’ Together. The agency helps parents find resources for their children with disabilities of all kinds. Alex has been the spokes person for the agency at fundraising events.

This fall Alexis will be back at Friends University, not as a student but as an assistant to Val Wall, the director of the Friendship Field program.

WICHITA, Kan. (KWCH) – Three women from the original class of the Friendship Fields Academy, a Friends University program, will be the first to graduate from the program. The academy is a four-year program that includes college classes modified for those with different abilities. See video

The director of Friendship Fields at Friends University, Valerie Wall, started the program seven years ago. It began with a program focused on life skills and the college experience.

“I taught special education for 32 years, and I always had students come and ask me and talk about going to college, but that was not a possibility for them because they couldn’t do the work required of them,” said Valerie. “They want to go to college and do the things that everybody else gets to do. I wanted to make sure that they got to eat in the cafeteria because that’s a big deal. A big part of college is eating in the school cafeteria.”

Graduates Lauren, Alexis, and Kaitlyn are the inaugural class. The women tried on their caps and gowns and had been practicing their stroll across the stage to accept their certificates before the event.

Alexis Armstrong, a graduate of Friendship Fields Academy, says, “I was able to accomplish something that, before this program, none of us were able to accomplish. It means a lot to me because my dream is to help kids with disabilities. And I feel like

Lauren Herron, another graduate, says, “my favorite classes were foods one and two because I love to cook.”

They said that accomplishing their dreams will help pave the way for others to be included.

“I’m really happy now,” says graduate Kaitlyn Eads.

it’s essential for them, for us to do it. ”

See Video at this link

https://images.app.goo.gl/mQQUVoBsN6tfF4Qb8

Slide Show of Flores “Forever Home”

In January 2020 I was invited by the institute founders to give a presentation at the National Kitchen and Bath Industry Show in Las Vegas about how the Living In Place Principals have affected my life. Well… my family members could pretty much be the poster children for Living In Place. It felt intimidating at the time but I put together this slideshow and it was very well received by my piers and other industry professionals.

Click on the link below to see the presentation featuring our Forever Home for 3 Generations

I am am honored to have been selected as one of thirty five International Ambassadors for The Living In Place Institute. Our purpose as a group is to initiate awareness of the benefits of the principals of Living In Place to the public as well as to the building and medical communities. I am thrilled to be among these amazing people who are so passionate about making all homes, safe, comfortable and accessible as a norm, a reality! We meet monthly online to share knowledge and experiences.

Can you choose to be Happy?

Happiness is that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. … Happiness is a sense of well-being, joy, or contentment. When people are successful, or safe, or lucky, they feel happiness.

A few months ago, I was caught off-guard when a prospective client asked me a question soon after I answered the phone. “Are you always happy or is just because of the sales business you’re in?” The more I thought about it the more insulted I became. ( I know that was not his intention but it really got to me.) First of all, I am in a service profession. I do sell things but I have never thought of myself as in a sales business. I did respond by email. My first line was” I am happy; I choose to be happy.”

If you know much about my life circumstances, you might also question my reasoning.(Cliff Notes)

Reasons not to be happy.

Our 49 year old son has been living with ALS for over 15 years. He has no use of his hands and arms so we are those for him. He walks with a walker. He eats with our help. His voice is starting slur and we know his health is declining. ALS is always fatal There is no cure or even treatment.
My 94 year old Mother shares a home with us. Her health is declining.
My husband, Jim recently started dialysis 3 times a week and is doing chemo 1 day a week.
I work to help pay for the home aides that help us.

All the responsibilities of home fall on me.

Reasons to be Happy

Our 49 year old son has been living with ALS for over 15 years! ( most ALS victims only live 2-5 years after diagnosis, if that long) I am honored to be his arms and hands and that he still has so many capabilities that others with this disease lack. He can walk with a walker! He is not yet confined to a wheelchair. It is my pleasure to help him eat a full meal every evening at family dinner. No feeding tube. His voice is starting to slur but he has a wonderful laugh and a writers sense of humor.( He was a creative writing professor.)
How fortunate am I to have my best friend, My 94 year old mother right in the next room when I need to share a funny story about my day or watch a girly net flick series or to hang out on the deck and read a book. She shares our dinner hour every evening with Jim , Bryan and I. During the Covid shut down I knew she was safe and happy. That is a true blessing!
With Jim it is harder to be happy. I am so stressed about his health. We have been married nearly 54 years. He has been my only love. All his life he has been a happy, people-loving family man. He is trying so hard to stay alive with treatments that are taking every ounce of his energy and personality. I need to be his happiness and to find some joy in the day to share with him.

It takes a village is so true. God has filled my village with angels. Almost two years ago, when I knew that Jim could no longer help me with Bryan’s care, Kim at #ALS Association -mid America, told me about Hospice care for ALS patients (PALS). Care givers are CALS. Because it is a fatal disease with no proven treatment, the PAL can go on the program at any time after diagnosis. We chose to sign up and Bryan and I are so happy that we did. An RN Sara comes one a week ( she will come more as needed) to do a check up, access his needs and order meds or equipment at no cost to us. Katie comes twice a week to help him shower. I am not alone in making decisions about his health and this takes such an emotional weight off my shoulders.

Shortly after things started to open up after covid, I knew that I needed to get out of my home office a bit and work downtown more. A friend recommend Shelly and she in turn Franci. These two angels are in our home from about noon to four 6 days a week. They are licensed caregivers and give love and care to my family when I am not here. There has been a noticeable positive change in Bryan, Dot and Jim since our home is filled with this positive energy. I get to do work I enjoy with people I love to be with and when I come home in the late afternoon, I get to be the mother, daughter and wife that I need to be with a good and happy attitude to take care of their needs and enjoy them for the evening.

I am not a Pollyanna, I have days that I don’t want to get out of bed….and sometimes when the ladies are here, I do stay in bed. I shed my share of tears usually in my therapists office or with a friend over a glass of wine. Life does go on. As I write this, our garage lift stopped working. The refrigerator seems to be on the blink and our grass may have army worms. This may be the time to call all those people who say “let me know if I can do anything! ”

Thankful Thursday

I was going to put my thankful thoughts in a wish jar. But what good is gratitude if it is not shared?

Grocery shopping has never been my favorite thing. I am grateful to Dillon’s and Costco for delivering food to our door. Thank you to all those participate in keeping my family fed and safe.
I am thankful for a thing called Zoom. I have met and collaborated with amazing people all over the US. I have only had to put a top on over my jammies and put on a touch of make-up for those early morning calls and then I can pop back into bed for a “power nap”.
I am so thankful for the ability to receive a vaccine for covid. My 94 year Mom has had two. Jim and I got our second ones yesterday, We are anxious for Bryan to become eligible.
I am thankful for all those who are giving of their time and talent to make this possible.

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Thankful in 2021 and moving forward

2020 was a stressful year for our family, as I am sure it has been for yours. We have had extra health issues, political anxiety, and Covid 19 fear.

Megan and Matt have been building a new home in Kansas City. They live less than 3 hours away, yet we have not seen them since a year ago January. It is too dangerous to risk exposing Bryan, Dot and Jim to the virus and Matt is in the the plant every day with hundreds of chances of exposure.

Dan, Rhonda and Alexis live less than a mile away. Rhonda is a RN at Wesley. We did not spend the Holidays together. Both of them did have covid close to Christmas. Thankfully their symptoms weren’t severe. Alexis has been spared so far. Most sadly Chris who now lives in Phoenix lost his father to Covid.

It was a year that we would not want to relive. Yet every day I thank God that 6 years ago we had the foresight to purchase a home and blend our family into one unit. We have been able to shelter together and watch after one another. There is nothing better than knowing that your family is well and safe.

Wake-up Call

In July of 2014, I took some downtime with Megan and Matt in Kansas City and designed an elevator location for our Longwood house. On the trip home, I was struck with severe abdominal pain. Major surgery fixed the problem.

While recuperating at home, with my walker bumping along the walls, and showering being a major struggle, I had a great epiphany; we had to move from my beloved home. Adding an elevator would only be a little band aid and a costly one. Much more needed to be done to make our house not only barrier friendly to Bryan, but Jim and I were not getting any younger or more agile.

We (Jim, Bryan and I) decided that if we were going to move, we should have a place for Grandma Dot, my fabulous, then 87-year-old mother, to join us. So our list of requirements grew; exterior space to add an addition to house an elevator, a suite large enough for Bryan to have privacy and a bath large enough to add a roll in shower, a two room suite for Grandma and two offices spaces for Jim and I to be able to work from home.

House hunting began that day. Thank God for our daughter, Megan, and Zillow! Megan was staying with us to help with my recovery, but I added “head house hunter” to her nursing duties. We looked at hundreds of homes online and if anything looked promising, Megan, Jim, Dot, and Bryan would join our realtor Janelle to check it out. I, of course, was still on drugs and pretty immobile since surgery was less two weeks prior.

As I reflect on those weeks, I must nominate my entire family for Sainthood. It all seemed perfectly natural to me. I needed to get my family in a safe, comfortable and accessible home as soon as possible.

After just a few weeks, we stumbled upon this 4 bedroom 3 bath ranch. It required a lot of updating but it had the spaces to fit the needs of our multigenerational family.